I love Adele’s voice, and I am a big fan.  However, sometimes we have to remember, she’s just a singer, not soothsayer who peers into the souls of man.  And now, I’ve reached my tipping point on the sad songs!  With that, here’s my suggested re-write to her song Million Years Ago

Million Years Ago

I only wanted to have gum
Learning to chew, learning to pop
I let my teeth decide the way
When I was young
Deep down I must have always known
That is would be inevitable
To learn the tricks I’d have to pay
And watch the experts

I know I’m not the only one
Who regrets the years wasted on Bubble yum
Sometimes I just feel it’s only me
Who never mastered the triple pop
I wish I could chew a little more
Pop up to the sky, not dribble on the floor
I feel like the good gums have all gone by
And all I can do is watch and cry
I miss the chemicals, I miss the dye
I miss the scent; I miss it when
Gum was good and FDA free
But that was a million years ago

When I remember the aisles at Mayfair
Where my obsession started and I found my share
My friends couldn’t look me in the eye
It’s like they were disappointed in me
I try to remember what was on the shelves
Black Jack, Cloves, and Beemans
But nobody recognizes those now
In the light of day

I know I’m not the only one
Who regrets the gums they’ve left untried
Sometimes I just feel it’s only me
Who never thought the changes were what they’d be
I wish I had chewed a little more
Pop up to the sky, not dribble on the floor
I feel the FDA has ruined it all
And all I can do is watch and bawl
I miss the chemicals, I miss the dye
I miss the scent; I miss it when
Gum was good and FDA free
But that was a million years ago
A million years ago…

And now the original version: