Unless you’re been living under a rock, you’ve already heard the news. Bank of America announced that we’re all living in the Matrix.

Ok, that might not be exactly what they said, but it’s close enough.

How many times have I been in a car, convinced that we’re about to crash, only to blink and see that we’ve passed the danger. Coincidence?!?! I think not. Concrete proof.  And I always assumed it was just one of my multiple personalities taking over and in what I thought was a blink, I had actually already been in and out of the hospital and recovered from my injuries.  See?  Total score!  There’s only one me!  It’s the Matrix!

Their (BofA) theory is that future generations have for some reason decided to run this virtual simulation of their ancestors. Since I don’t have children, this means the descendants of my nephews are in control.  Three boys.  Three sons of my already proven to be bratty brothers.  But thanks for choosing me!

So here’s just one of the many problems.  First, who takes responsibility for the bad stuff; second, can I change my future destiny by upping the Christmas present levels to the nephews; third, if they can hear and see us, are they happy?  Do I care?

And now, so many more questions!  Is Elvis alive in the future?  Do they not have peanut butter, which explains my obsession?  Shoes!!  What’s the deal with shoes?!  I’m guessing they just all float around and their feet have evolved into puffy landing pillows, hence the little whispering I hear in my ear every time I see a cute pair.  “buuuuuuy theeeeeeem”  Jerks.  You have no shoes.  That’s your punishment for not giving me awesome virtual eyelashes.  OMG, Mickey!  Forget Elvis, is Walt there?  Is this why I love Mickey so much?  You gave me Minnie Mouse eyelashes?  Tell him I say hi, and that he needs to shut it down about the Star Wars direction at the theme park.

Ooooooo, Star Wars.  Now I get it.

But if BofA is the one who has “discovered” this.  How do we know the future BofA didn’t send the info to the present BofA so we all start thinking we should bank there?  And why would it be a bank who put this all together?  That seems suspicious.  What about the scientists, the great thinkers of the world, Bill Gates, Stephen Hawking, hellooooo, the people on Big Bang Theory.

I’ll leave with one last thought.  Dogs.  They definitely know more than they’re letting on.

BANK OF AMERICA: There’s a 20%-50% chance we’re inside the matrix and reality is just a simulation